They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
