What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize