eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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