We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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