Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
