Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
