When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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