The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
