I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
