Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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