Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
