Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize