Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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