I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
