i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My bed smells like the plague
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
