just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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