Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
