It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
