Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
