My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
