My first STD was from a foam party
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
