Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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