don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize