You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
