I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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