Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Randomize
