i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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