I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
