You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
