i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
