He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
