You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
