FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
