She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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