just tell him i said nine months
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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