just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
