Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
