Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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