she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
