I faked an abortion last night.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
