I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
