is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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