reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize