it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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