Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
