I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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