My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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