I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
