i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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