mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
