Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
