It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
