It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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