coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
