I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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