I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
how does that bad decision feel?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
