CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
