He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
