U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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