i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
