Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
