i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
