The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
