I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
