you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
