I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
well you can't waste a boner
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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