i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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