i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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