Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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