life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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