just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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