Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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