Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
