She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
