yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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