It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
